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A Girl’s Thoughts

           deCroisenois,theDukedeChaulnes,hisfather,andthewholeHôteldeChaulnes,whoonseeingtheprojectedmarriagebrokenoffwouldhavewantedtoknowthereason.AtthattimeMathildehadbeenunabletosleeponthosedayswhenshehadwrittenoneofherletters.Butthoseletterswereonlyanswers.Butnowsheventuredtodeclareherownlove.Shewrotefirst(whataterribleword!)toamanofthelowestsocialgrade.

           Thiscircumstancerenderedhereternaldisgracequiteinevitableintheeventofdetection.Whoofthewomenwhovisitedhermotherwouldhavedaredtotakeherpart?Whatofficialexcusecouldbeevolvedwhichcouldsuccessfullycopewiththeawfulcontemptofsociety.

           Besidesspeakingwasawfulenough,butwriting!"Therearesomethingswhicharenotwritten!"NapoleonhadexclaimedonlearningofthecapitulationofBaylen.AnditwasJulienwhohadtoldherthatepigram,asthoughgivingheralessonthatwastocomeinusefulsubsequently.

           Butallthiswascomparativelyunimportant,Mathilde’sanguishhadothercauses.Forgettingtheterribleeffectitwouldproduceonsociety,andtheineffableblotonherscutcheonthatwouldfollowsuchanoutrageonherowncaste,MathildewasgoingtowritetoapersonofaverydifferentcharactertotheCroisenois’,thedeLuz’s,theCaylus’s.

           ShewouldhavebeenfrightenedatthedepthandmysteryinJulien’scharacter,evenifshehadmerelyenteredintoaconventionalacquaintancewithhim.Andshewasgoingtomakehimherlover,perhapshermaster.

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