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The Egotist Becomes a Personage
Inasensethisgradualrenunciationofbeautywasthesecondstepafterhisdisillusionhadbeenmadecomplete.Hefeltthathewasleavingbehindhimhischanceofbeingacertaintypeofartist.Itseemedsomuchmoreimportanttobeacertainsortofman.
HismindturnedacornersuddenlyandhefoundhimselfthinkingoftheCatholicChurch.Theideawasstronginhimthattherewasacertainintrinsiclackinthosetowhomorthodoxreligionwasnecessary,andreligiontoAmorymeanttheChurchofRome.Quiteconceivablyitwasanemptyritualbutitwasseeminglytheonlyassimilative,traditionarybulwarkagainstthedecayofmorals.Untilthegreatmobscouldbeeducatedintoamoralsensesomeonemustcry:"Thoushaltnot!"Yetanyacceptancewas,forthepresent,impossible.Hewantedtimeandtheabsenceofulteriorpressure.Hewantedtokeepthetreewithoutornaments,realizefullythedirectionandmomentumofthisnewstart.
Theafternoonwanedfromthepurginggoodofthreeo’clocktothegoldenbeautyoffour.Afterwardhewalkedthroughthedullacheofasettingsunwheneventhecloudsseemedbleedingandattwilighthecametoagraveyard.Therewasadusky,dreamysmellofflowersandtheghostofanewmoonintheskyandshadowseverywhere.Onanimpulseheconsideredtryingtoopenthedoorofarustyironvaultbuiltintothesideofahill;avaultwashedcleanandcoveredwithlate-blooming,weepywatery-blueflowersthatmighthavegrownfromdeadeyes,stickytothetouchwithasickeningodor.
