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The Egotist Becomes a Personage
"ThisisnotaqualitythatwillchangewhenI’seehumansuffering’or’losemyparents’or’helpothers.’
"Thisselfishnessisnotonlypartofme.Itisthemostlivingpart.
"ItisbysomehowtranscendingratherthanbyavoidingthatselfishnessthatIcanbringpoiseandbalanceintomylife.
"ThereisnovirtueofunselfishnessthatIcannotuse.Icanmakesacrifices,becharitable,givetoafriend,endureforafriend,laydownmylifeforafriend—allbecausethesethingsmaybethebestpossibleexpressionofmyself;yetIhavenotonedropofthemilkofhumankindness."
TheproblemofevilhadsolidifiedforAmoryintotheproblemofsex.HewasbeginningtoidentifyevilwiththestrongphallicworshipinBrookeandtheearlyWells.Inseparablylinkedwithevilwasbeauty—beauty,stillaconstantrisingtumult;softinEleanor’svoice,inanoldsongatnight,riotingdeliriouslythroughlifelikesuperimposedwaterfalls,halfrhythm,halfdarkness.Amoryknewthateverytimehehadreachedtowarditlonginglyithadleeredoutathimwiththegrotesquefaceofevil.Beautyofgreatart,beautyofalljoy,mostofallthebeautyofwomen.
Afterall,ithadtoomanyassociationswithlicenseandindulgence.Weakthingswereoftenbeautiful,weakthingswerenevergood.Andinthisnewlonenessofhisthathadbeenselectedforwhatgreatnesshemightachieve,beautymustberelativeor,itselfaharmony,itwouldmakeonlyadiscord.
