Робінзон Крузо
Ill and Conscience–Stricken
AllthatIcansayIunderstoodwasthis: "Seeingallthesethingshavenotbroughttheetorepentance,nowthoushaltdie;" atwhichwordsIthoughtheliftedupthespearthatwasinhishandtokillme.
Noonethatshalleverreadthisaccount,willexpectthatIshouldbeabletodescribethehorrorsofmysoulatthisterriblevision;Imean,thatevenwhileitwasadream,Ievendreamedofthosehorrors; norisitanymorepossibletodescribetheimpressionthatremaineduponmymindwhenIawakedandfounditwasbutadream.
Ihad,alas!nodivineknowledge; whatIhadreceivedbythegoodinstructionofmyfatherwasthenwornout,byanuninterruptedseries,foreightyears,ofseafaringwickedness,andaconstantconversationwithnothingbutsuchaswere,likemyself,wickedandprofanetothelastdegree. IdonotrememberthatIhad,inallthattime,onethoughtthatsomuchastendedeithertolookingupwardstowardGod,orinwardstowardsareflectionuponmyways; butacertainstupidityofsoul,withoutdesireofgood,orconscienceofevil,hadentirelyover-whelmedme; andIwasallthatthemosthardened,unthinking,wickedcreatureamongourcommonsailorscanbesupposedtobe; nothavingtheleastsense,eitherofthefearofGod,indanger,orofthankfulnesstoGod,indeliverances.
Intherelatingwhatisalreadypastofmystory,thiswillbethemoreeasilybelieved,whenIshalladd,thatthroughallthevarietyofmiseriesthathadtothisdaybefallenme,IneverhadsomuchasonethoughtofitbeingthehandofGod,orthatitwasajustpunishmentformysin; myrebelliousbehavioragainstmyfather,ormypresentsins,whichweregreat;orsomuchasapunishmentforthegeneralcourseofmywickedlife.
