Холодный дом

A Progress

           Shewasagood,goodwoman!ShewenttochurchthreetimeseverySunday,andtomorningprayersonWednesdaysandFridays,andtolectureswhenevertherewerelectures;andnevermissed.Shewashandsome;andifshehadeversmiled,wouldhavebeen(Iusedtothink)likeanangelbutsheneversmiled.Shewasalwaysgraveandstrict.Shewassoverygoodherself,Ithought,thatthebadnessofotherpeoplemadeherfrownallherlife.Ifeltsodifferentfromher,evenmakingeveryallowanceforthedifferencesbetweenachildandawoman;Ifeltsopoor,sotrifling,andsofaroffthatInevercouldbeunrestrainedwithherno,couldneverevenloveherasIwished.ItmademeverysorrytoconsiderhowgoodshewasandhowunworthyofherIwas,andIusedardentlytohopethatImighthaveabetterheart;andItalkeditoververyoftenwiththedearolddoll,butIneverlovedmygodmotherasIoughttohavelovedherandasIfeltImusthavelovedherifIhadbeenabettergirl.Thismademe,Idaresay,moretimidandretiringthanInaturallywasandcastmeuponDollyastheonlyfriendwithwhomIfeltatease.ButsomethinghappenedwhenIwasstillquitealittlethingthathelpeditverymuch.Ihadneverheardmymamaspokenof.Ihadneverheardofmypapaeither,butIfeltmoreinterestedaboutmymama.Ihadneverwornablackfrock,thatIcouldrecollect.Ihadneverbeenshownmymama’sgrave.Ihadneverbeentoldwhereitwas.YetIhadneverbeentaughttoprayforanyrelationbutmygodmother.IhadmorethanonceapproachedthissubjectofmythoughtswithMrs.

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