Преступление и наказание

Chapter 2

           Andwhatcomfortwasittohimthatattheendofeightyearshewouldonlybethirty-twoandabletobeginanewlife!Whathadhetolivefor?Whathadhetolookforwardto?Whyshouldhestrive?Toliveinordertoexist?Why,hehadbeenreadyathousandtimesbeforetogiveupexistenceforthesakeofanidea,forahope,evenforafancy.Mereexistencehadalwaysbeentoolittleforhim;hehadalwayswantedmore.Perhapsitwasjustbecauseofthestrengthofhisdesiresthathehadthoughthimselfamantowhommorewaspermissiblethantoothers.

           Andifonlyfatewouldhavesenthimrepentanceburningrepentancethatwouldhavetornhisheartandrobbedhimofsleep,thatrepentance,theawfulagonyofwhichbringsvisionsofhangingordrowning!Oh,hewouldhavebeengladofit!Tearsandagonieswouldatleasthavebeenlife.Buthedidnotrepentofhiscrime.

           Atleasthemighthavefoundreliefinragingathisstupidity,ashehadragedatthegrotesqueblundersthathadbroughthimtoprison.Butnowinprison,infreedom,hethoughtoverandcriticisedallhisactionsagainandbynomeansfoundthemsoblunderingandsogrotesqueastheyhadseemedatthefataltime.

           “Inwhatway,”heaskedhimself,“wasmytheorystupiderthanothersthathaveswarmedandclashedfromthebeginningoftheworld?Onehasonlytolookatthethingquiteindependently,broadly,anduninfluencedbycommonplaceideas,andmyideawillbynomeansseemso...strange.

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