Тэсс из рода д’Эрбервиллей

Chapter 36

           Itwasevidenttoherthathewas,ashehadsaid,livingwithparalyzedactivities,inhisendeavourtothinkofaplanofprocedure.Shewasawe-strikintodiscoversuchdeterminationundersuchapparentflexibility.Hisconsistencywas,indeed,toocruel.Shenolongerexpectedforgivenessnow.Morethanonceshethoughtofgoingawayfromhimduringhisabsenceatthemill;butshefearedthatthis,insteadofbenefitinghim,mightbethemeansofhamperingandhumiliatinghimyetmoreifitshouldbecomeknown.

           MeanwhileClarewasmeditating,verily.Histhoughthadbeenunsuspended;hewasbecomingillwiththinking;eatenoutwiththinking,witheredbythinking;scourgedoutofallhisformerpulsatingflexuousdomesticity.Hewalkedaboutsayingtohimself,“What’stobedone—what’stobedone?”andbychancesheoverheardhim.Itcausedhertobreakthereserveabouttheirfuturewhichhadhithertoprevailed.

           “Isuppose—youarenotgoingtolivewithme—long,areyou,Angel?”sheasked,thesunkcornersofhermouthbetrayinghowpurelymechanicalwerethemeansbywhichsheretainedthatexpressionofchastenedcalmuponherface.

           “Icannot”hesaid,“withoutdespisingmyself,andwhatisworse,perhaps,despisingyou.Imean,ofcourse,cannotlivewithyouintheordinarysense.Atpresent,whateverIfeel,Idonotdespiseyou.And,letmespeakplainly,oryoumaynotseeallmydifficulties.Howcanwelivetogetherwhilethatmanlives?—hebeingyourhusbandinnature,andnotI.Ifheweredeaditmightbedifferent....

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