Джэйн Эйр

Chapter XXXIV

           Thecaseisveryplainbeforeme. InleavingEngland,IshouldleavealovedbutemptylandMr.Rochesterisnotthere;andifhewere,whatis,whatcanthateverbetome?Mybusinessistolivewithouthimnow:nothingsoabsurd,soweakastodragonfromdaytoday,asifIwerewaitingsomeimpossiblechangeincircumstances,whichmightreunitemetohim.Ofcourse(asSt.Johnoncesaid)Imustseekanotherinterestinlifetoreplacetheonelost:isnottheoccupationhenowoffersmetrulythemostgloriousmancanadoptorGodassign? Isitnot,byitsnoblecaresandsublimeresults,theonebestcalculatedtofillthevoidleftbyuptornaffectionsanddemolishedhopes?IbelieveImustsay,YesandyetIshudder. Alas!IfIjoinSt.John,Iabandonhalfmyself:ifIgotoIndia,Igotoprematuredeath.AndhowwilltheintervalbetweenleavingEnglandforIndia,andIndiaforthegrave,befilled?Oh,Iknowwell!That,too,isverycleartomyvision. BystrainingtosatisfySt.Johntillmysinewsache,Ishallsatisfyhimtothefinestcentralpointandfarthestoutwardcircleofhisexpectations.IfIdogowithhimifIdomakethesacrificeheurges,Iwillmakeitabsolutely:Iwillthrowallonthealtarheart,vitals,theentirevictim. Hewillneverloveme;butheshallapproveme; Iwillshowhimenergieshehasnotyetseen,resourceshehasneversuspected. Yes,Icanworkashardashecan,andwithaslittlegrudging. 

           "Consent,then,tohisdemandispossible:butforoneitemonedreadfulitem. 

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