Мидлмарч

Chapter 80

           Shewasvigorousenoughtohavebornethathardnightwithoutfeelingillinbody,beyondsomeachingandfatigue;butshehadwakedtoanewcondition:shefeltasifhersoulhadbeenliberatedfromitsterribleconflict;shewasnolongerwrestlingwithhergrief,butcouldsitdownwithitasalastingcompanionandmakeitasharerinherthoughts.Fornowthethoughtscamethickly.ItwasnotinDorothea’snature,forlongerthanthedurationofaparoxysm,tositinthenarrowcellofhercalamity,inthebesottedmiseryofaconsciousnessthatonlyseesanother’slotasanaccidentofitsown.

           Shebegannowtolivethroughthatyesterdaymorningdeliberatelyagain,forcingherselftodwelloneverydetailanditspossiblemeaning.Wasshealoneinthatscene?Wasithereventonly?Sheforcedherselftothinkofitasboundupwithanotherwoman’slifeawomantowardswhomshehadsetoutwithalongingtocarrysomeclearnessandcomfortintoherbecloudedyouth.Inherfirstoutleapofjealousindignationanddisgust,whenquittingthehatefulroom,shehadflungawayallthemercywithwhichshehadundertakenthatvisit.ShehadenvelopedbothWillandRosamondinherburningscorn,anditseemedtoherasifRosamondwereburnedoutofhersightforever.Butthatbasepromptingwhichmakesawomenmorecrueltoarivalthantoafaithlesslover,couldhavenostrengthofrecurrenceinDorotheawhenthedominantspiritofjusticewithinherhadonceovercomethetumultandhadonceshownherthetruermeasureofthings.

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