Мидлмарч

Chapter 76

           ThereisnosorrowIhavethoughtmoreaboutthanthattolovewhatisgreat,andtrytoreachit,andyettofail."

           "Yes,"saidLydgate,feelingthatherehehadfoundroomforthefullmeaningofhisgrief."Ihadsomeambition.Imeanteverythingtobedifferentwithme.IthoughtIhadmorestrengthandmastery.Butthemostterribleobstaclesaresuchasnobodycanseeexceptoneself."

           "Suppose,"saidDorothea,meditatively"supposewekeptontheHospitalaccordingtothepresentplan,andyoustayedherethoughonlywiththefriendshipandsupportofafew,theevilfeelingtowardsyouwouldgraduallydieout;therewouldcomeopportunitiesinwhichpeoplewouldbeforcedtoacknowledgethattheyhadbeenunjusttoyou,becausetheywouldseethatyourpurposeswerepure.YoumaystillwinagreatfameliketheLouisandLaennecIhaveheardyouspeakof,andweshallallbeproudofyou,"sheended,withasmile.

           "ThatmightdoifIhadmyoldtrustinmyself,"saidLydgate,mournfully."Nothinggallsmemorethanthenotionofturningroundandrunningawaybeforethisslander,leavingituncheckedbehindme.Still,Ican’taskanyonetoputagreatdealofmoneyintoaplanwhichdependsonme."

           "Itwouldbequiteworthmywhile,"saidDorothea,simply."Onlythink.Iamveryuncomfortablewithmymoney,becausetheytellmeIhavetoolittleforanygreatschemeofthesortIlikebest,andyetIhavetoomuch.Idon’tknowwhattodo.

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