Мидлмарч

Chapter 64

           

           Hewentoutofthehouse,butashisbloodcooledhefeltthatthechiefresultofthediscussionwasadepositofdreadwithinhimattheideaofopeningwithhiswifeinfuturesubjectswhichmightagainurgehimtoviolentspeech.Itwasasifafractureindelicatecrystalhadbegun,andhewasafraidofanymovementthatmightmateitfatal.Hismarriagewouldbeamerepieceofbitterironyiftheycouldnotgoonlovingeachother.Hehadlongagomadeuphismindtowhathethoughtwashernegativecharacterherwantofsensibility,whichshoweditselfindisregardbothofhisspecificwishesandofhisgeneralaims.Thefirstgreatdisappointmenthadbeenborne:thetenderdevotednessanddocileadorationoftheidealwifemustberenounced,andlifemustbetakenuponalowerstageofexpectation,asitisbymenwhohavelosttheirlimbs.Buttherealwifehadnotonlyherclaims,shehadstillaholdonhisheart,anditwashisintensedesirethattheholdshouldremainstrong.Inmarriage,thecertainty,"Shewillneverlovememuch,"iseasiertobearthanthefear,"Ishalllovehernomore."Hence,afterthatoutburst,hisinwardeffortwasentirelytoexcuseher,andtoblamethehardcircumstanceswhichwerepartlyhisfault.Hetriedthatevening,bypettingher,tohealthewoundhehadmadeinthemorning,anditwasnotinRosamond’snaturetoberepellentorsulky;indeed,shewelcomedthesignsthatherhusbandlovedherandwasundercontrol.ButthiswassomethingquitedistinctfromlovingHIM.

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