26. I Receive a Letter

           “MyFriend:

           “Youwillknowallwhenyougetthis.NothingthatIcansaywillmoveBella.Shehasgoneouttogiveherselfup.Iamtiredoutwithstruggling.

           “YouwillknownowthatIdeceivedyou,thatwhereyougavemetrustIrepaidyouwithlies.Itwillseem,perhaps,indefensibletoyou,butIshouldlike,beforeIgooutofyourlifeforever,toshowyoujusthowitallcameabout.IfIknewthatyouforgaveme,itwouldmakelifeeasierforme.Itwasn’tformyselfIdidit—that’stheonlythingIcanputforwardtosayformyself.

           “I’llbeginfromthedayImetyouintheboattrainfromParis.IwasuneasythenaboutBella.ShewasjustdesperateaboutJackRenauld,she’dhavelaindownonthegroundforhimtowalkon,andwhenhebegantochange,andtostopwritingsooften,shebegangettinginastate.Shegotitintoherheadthathewaskeenonanothergirl—andofcourse,asitturnedoutafterwards,shewasquiterightthere.She’dmadeuphermindtogototheirVillaatMerlinville,andtryandseeJack.SheknewIwasagainstit,andtriedtogivemetheslip.IfoundshewasnotonthetrainatCalais,anddeterminedIwouldnotgoontoEnglandwithouther.I’danuneasyfeelingthatsomethingawfulwasgoingtohappenifIcouldn’tpreventit.

           “ImetthenexttrainfromParis.Shewasonit,andsetupongoingoutthenandtheretoMerlinville.IarguedwithherforallIwasworth,butitwasn’tanygood.Shewasallstrungupandsetuponhavingherownway.Well,Iwashedmyhandsofit.I’ddoneallIcould!Itwasgettinglate.