Емма

Chapter 11

           —Howtounderstanditall!Howtounderstandthedeceptionsshehadbeenthuspractisingonherself,andlivingunder!—Theblunders,theblindnessofherownheadandheart!—shesatstill,shewalkedabout,shetriedherownroom,shetriedtheshrubbery—ineveryplace,everyposture,sheperceivedthatshehadactedmostweakly;thatshehadbeenimposedonbyothersinamostmortifyingdegree;thatshehadbeenimposingonherselfinadegreeyetmoremortifying;thatshewaswretched,andshouldprobablyfindthisdaybutthebeginningofwretchedness.

           Tounderstand,thoroughlyunderstandherownheart,wasthefirstendeavour.Tothatpointwenteveryleisuremomentwhichherfather’sclaimsonherallowed,andeverymomentofinvoluntaryabsenceofmind.

           HowlonghadMr.Knightleybeensodeartoher,aseveryfeelingdeclaredhimnowtobe?Whenhadhisinfluence,suchinfluencebegun?—Whenhadhesucceededtothatplaceinheraffection,whichFrankChurchillhadonce,forashortperiod,occupied?—Shelookedback;shecomparedthetwo—comparedthem,astheyhadalwaysstoodinherestimation,fromthetimeofthelatter’sbecomingknowntoher—andastheymustatanytimehavebeencomparedbyher,hadit—oh!hadit,byanyblessedfelicity,occurredtoher,toinstitutethecomparison.—ShesawthatthereneverhadbeenatimewhenshedidnotconsiderMr.Knightleyasinfinitelythesuperior,orwhenhisregardforherhadnotbeeninfinitelythemostdear.

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