The Inconsiderate Waiter

           TheywerethefamilyofWilliam,oneofourclubwaiterswhohadbeendisappointingmegrievouslyoflate.ManyatimehaveIdeferreddiningseveralminutesthatImighthavetheattendanceofthisingrate.Hiseffortstoreservethewindow-tableformeweresatisfactory,andIusedtoallowhimprivileges,astosuggestdishes;Ihavegivenhiminformation,asthatsomeonehadstartledmeinthereading-roombyslammingadoor;IhaveshownhimhowIcutmyfingerwithapieceofstring.Williamwasnoneofyourassertivewaiters.Wecouldhaveplottedamurdersafelybeforehim.ItwasonememberwhosaidtohimthatSaucySarahwouldwintheDerbyandanotherwhosaidthatSaucySarahhadnochance,butitwasWilliamwhoagreedwithboth.Theexcellentfellow(asIthoughthim)waslikeacherootwhichmaybesmokedfromeitherend.

           IdatehislapsefromoneeveningwhenIwasdiningbythewindow.Ihadtorepeatmyorder“Devilledkidney,”andinsteadofansweringbrightly,“Yes,sir,”asifmyselectionofdevilledkidneywasapersonalgratificationtohim,whichisthemanneroneexpectsofawaiter,hegazedeagerlyoutatthewindow,andthen,starting,asked,“Didyousaydevilledkidney,sir?”AfewminutesafterwardIbecameawarethatsomeonewasleaningoverthebackofmychair,andyoumayconceivemyindignationondiscoveringthatthisrudepersonwasWilliam.Letmetell,inthemeasuredwordsofonedescribingapastincident,whatnexttookplace.Togetnearerthewindowhepressedheavilyonmyshoulder.