Поворот гвинта

Chapter 13

           Irecognizedthesigns,theportentsIrecognizedthemoment,thespot.Buttheyremainedunaccompaniedandempty,andIcontinuedunmolested;ifunmolestedonecouldcallayoungwomanwhosesensibilityhad,inthemostextraordinaryfashion,notdeclinedbutdeepened.IhadsaidinmytalkwithMrs.GroseonthathorridsceneofFlora’sbythelakeandhadperplexedherbysosayingthatitwouldfromthatmomentdistressmemuchmoretolosemypowerthantokeepit.Ihadthenexpressedwhatwasvividlyinmymind:thetruththat,whetherthechildrenreallysawornotsince,thatis,itwasnotyetdefinitelyprovedIgreatlypreferred,asasafeguard,thefullnessofmyownexposure.Iwasreadytoknowtheveryworstthatwastobeknown.WhatIhadthenhadanuglyglimpseofwasthatmyeyesmightbesealedjustwhiletheirsweremostopened.Well,myeyesweresealed,itappeared,atpresentaconsummationforwhichitseemedblasphemousnottothankGod.Therewas,alas,adifficultyaboutthat:IwouldhavethankedhimwithallmysoulhadInothadinaproportionatemeasurethisconvictionofthesecretofmypupils.

           HowcanIretracetodaythestrangestepsofmyobsession?ThereweretimesofourbeingtogetherwhenIwouldhavebeenreadytoswearthat,literally,inmypresence,butwithmydirectsenseofitclosed,theyhadvisitorswhowereknownandwerewelcome.Thenitwasthat,hadInotbeendeterredbytheverychancethatsuchaninjurymightprovegreaterthantheinjurytobeaverted,myexultationwouldhavebrokenout.

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