Холодный дом

Chesney Wold

           "Iexplained,asnearlyasIcouldthen,orcanrecallnowformyagitationanddistressthroughoutweresogreatthatIscarcelyunderstoodmyself,thougheverywordthatwasutteredinthemother’svoice,sounfamiliarandsomelancholytome,whichinmychildhoodIhadneverlearnedtoloveandrecognize,hadneverbeensungtosleepwith,hadneverheardablessingfrom,hadneverhadahopeinspiredby,madeanenduringimpressiononmymemoryIsayIexplained,ortriedtodoit,howIhadonlyhopedthatMr.Jarndyce,whohadbeenthebestoffatherstome,mightbeabletoaffordsomecounselandsupporttoher.Butmymotheransweredno,itwasimpossible;noonecouldhelpher.Throughthedesertthatlaybeforeher,shemustgoalone."Mychild,mychild!"shesaid."Forthelasttime!Thesekissesforthelasttime!Thesearmsuponmyneckforthelasttime!Weshallmeetnomore.TohopetodowhatIseektodo,ImustbewhatIhavebeensolong.Suchismyrewardanddoom.IfyouhearofLadyDedlock,brilliant,prosperous,andflattered,thinkofyourwretchedmother,conscience-stricken,underneaththatmask!Thinkthattherealityisinhersuffering,inheruselessremorse,inhermurderingwithinherbreasttheonlyloveandtruthofwhichitiscapable!Andthenforgiveherifyoucan,andcrytoheaventoforgiveher,whichitnevercan!"Weheldoneanotherforalittlespaceyet,butshewassofirmthatshetookmyhandsaway,andputthembackagainstmybreast,andwithalastkissassheheldthemthere,releasedthem,andwentfrommeintothewood.

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