Холодный дом

The Close of Esther’s Narrative

           Itrytowriteallthislightly,becausemyheartisfullindrawingtoanend,butwhenIwriteofhim,mytearswillhavetheirway.IneverlookathimbutIhearourpoordearRichardcallinghimagoodman.ToAdaandherprettyboy,heisthefondestfather;tomeheiswhathehaseverbeen,andwhatnamecanIgivetothat?Heismyhusband’sbestanddearestfriend,heisourchildren’sdarling,heistheobjectofourdeepestloveandveneration.YetwhileIfeeltowardshimasifhewereasuperiorbeing,IamsofamiliarwithhimandsoeasywithhimthatIalmostwonderatmyself.Ihaveneverlostmyoldnames,norhashelosthis;nordoIever,whenheiswithus,sitinanyotherplacethaninmyoldchairathisside,DameTrot,DameDurden,LittleWomanalljustthesameasever;andIanswer,"Yes,dearguardian!"justthesame.Ihaveneverknownthewindtobeintheeastforasinglemomentsincethedaywhenhetookmetotheporchtoreadthename.Iremarkedtohimoncethatthewindseemedneverintheeastnow,andhesaid,no,truly;ithadfinallydepartedfromthatquarteronthatveryday.Ithinkmydarlinggirlismorebeautifulthanever.Thesorrowthathasbeeninherfaceforitisnottherenowseemstohavepurifiedevenitsinnocentexpressionandtohavegivenitadivinerquality.SometimeswhenIraisemyeyesandseeherintheblackdressthatshestillwears,teachingmyRichard,IfeelitisdifficulttoexpressasifitweresogoodtoknowthatsheremembersherdearEstherinherprayers.

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