Холодный дом

Esther’s Narrative

           Whenshelaydowntosleep,andnotbefore,Ireturnedtomyguardiantosaygoodnight,andthenIcamebacktoAdaandsatnearherforalittlewhile.Shewasasleep,andIthoughtasIlookedatherthatshewasalittlechanged.Ihadthoughtsomorethanoncelately.Icouldnotdecide,evenlookingatherwhileshewasunconscious,howshewaschanged,butsomethinginthefamiliarbeautyofherfacelookeddifferenttome.Myguardian’soldhopesofherandRichardarosesorrowfullyinmymind,andIsaidtomyself,"Shehasbeenanxiousabouthim,"andIwonderedhowthatlovewouldend.WhenIhadcomehomefromCaddy’swhileshewasill,IhadoftenfoundAdaatwork,andshehadalwaysputherworkaway,andIhadneverknownwhatitwas.Someofitnowlayinadrawernearher,whichwasnotquiteclosed.Ididnotopenthedrawer,butIstillratherwonderedwhattheworkcouldbe,foritwasevidentlynothingforherself.AndInoticedasIkissedmydearthatshelaywithonehandunderherpillowsothatitwashidden.HowmuchlessamiableImusthavebeenthantheythoughtme,howmuchlessamiablethanIthoughtmyself,tobesopreoccupiedwithmyowncheerfulnessandcontentmentastothinkthatitonlyrestedwithmetoputmydeargirlrightandsethermindatpeace!ButIlaydown,self-deceived,inthatbelief.AndIawokeinitnextdaytofindthattherewasstillthesameshadebetweenmeandmydarling.

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