Улисс

           Heisprematurelybaldfromselfabuse,perverselyidealisticinconsequence,areformedrake,andhasmetalteeth.InconsequenceofafamilycomplexhehastemporarilylosthismemoryandIbelievehimtobemoresinnedagainstthansinning.Ihavemadeapervaginalexaminationand,afterapplicationoftheacidtestto5427anal,axillary,pectoralandpubichairs,Ideclarehimtobevirgointacta.

           (Bloomholdshishighgradehatoverhisgenitalorgans.)

           DRMADDEN:Hypsospadiaisalsomarked.IntheinterestofcominggenerationsIsuggestthatthepartsaffectedshouldbepreservedinspiritsofwineinthenationalteratologicalmuseum.

           DRCROTTHERS:Ihaveexaminedthepatient’surine.Itisalbuminoid.Salivationisinsufficient,thepatellarreflexintermittent.

           DRPUNCHCOSTELLO:Thefetorjudaicusismostperceptible.

           DRDIXON:(Readsabillofhealth.)ProfessorBloomisafinishedexampleofthenewwomanlyman.Hismoralnatureissimpleandlovable.Manyhavefoundhimadearman,adearperson.Heisaratherquaintfellowonthewhole,coythoughnotfeeblemindedinthemedicalsense.Hehaswrittenareallybeautifulletter,apoeminitself,tothecourtmissionaryoftheReformedPriests’ProtectionSocietywhichclearsupeverything.HeispracticallyatotalabstainerandIcanaffirmthathesleepsonastrawlitterandeatsthemostSpartanfood,colddriedgrocer’speas.HewearsahairshirtofpureIrishmanufacturewinterandsummerandscourgeshimselfeverySaturday.Hewas,Iunderstand,atonetimeafirstclassmisdemeanantinGlencreereformatory.