Голод
Part IV
Particularly,IregrettedbitterlythatIhadshownmyselfungratefultoheratthelast,andthrownhalf-a-sovereigninherface....
Half-a-sovereign!Igaveawhistle.Theletterthemessengerbroughtme,wherediditcomefrom?ItwasonlythisinstantIthoughtclearlyoverthis,andIdivinedatoncehowthewholethinghungtogether.Igrewsickwithpainandshame.Iwhispered"Ylajali"afewtimes,withhoarsevoice,andflungbackmyhead.WasitnotIwho,nolaterthanyesterday,haddecidedtopassherproudlybyifImether,totreatherwiththegreatestindifference?Insteadofthat,Ihadonlyarousedhercompassion,andcoaxedanalmsfromher.No,no,no;therewouldneverbeanendtomydegradation!NoteveninherpresencecouldImaintainadecentposition.Isank,simplysank,onallsides—everywayIturned;sanktomyknees,sanktomywaist,divedunderinignominy,nevertoriseagain—never!Thiswastheclimax!Toaccepthalf-a-sovereigninalmswithoutbeingabletoflingitbacktothesecretdonor;scrambleforhalf-pencewheneverthechanceoffered,andkeepthem,usethemforlodgingmoney,inspiteofone’sintenseinneraversion....
CouldInotregainthehalf-sovereigninsomewayoranother?Togobacktothelandladyandtrytogetitfromherwouldbeofnouse.Theremustbesomeway,ifIweretoconsider—ifIwereonlytoexertmyselfrightwell,andconsideritover.
