Голод
Part IV
Itwasnot,inthiscase,greatGod,sufficienttoconsiderinjustanordinaryway!Imustconsidersothatitpenetratedmywholesentientbeing;considerandfindsomewaytoprocurethishalf-sovereign.AndIsetto,toconsidertheanswertothisproblem.
Itmightbeaboutfouro’clock;inafewhours’timeIcouldperhapsmeetthemanagerofthetheatre;ifonlyIhadmydramacompleted.
ItakeoutmyMSS.therewhereIamsitting,andresolve,withmightandmain,tofinishthelastfewscenes.IthinkuntilIsweat,andre-readfromthebeginning,butmakenoprogress.Nobosh!Isay—noobstinacy,now!andIwriteawayatmydrama—writedowneverythingthatstrikesme,justtogetfinishedquicklyandbeabletogoaway.Itriedtopersuademyselfthatanewsuprememomenthadseizedme;Iliedrightroyallytomyself,deceivedmyselfknowingly,andwroteon,asifIhadnoneedtoseekforwords.
Thatiscapital!Thatisreallyafind!whisperedI,interpolatingly;onlyjustwriteitdown!Halt!theysoundquestionable;theycontrastratherstronglywiththespeechesinthefirstscenes;notatraceoftheMiddleAgesshonethroughthemonk’swords.Ibreakmypencilbetweenmyteeth,jumptomyfeet,tearmymanuscriptintwo,teareachpageintwo,flingmyhatdowninthestreetandtrampleuponit.Iamlost!Iwhispertomyself.Ladiesandgentlemen,Iamlost!IutternomorethanthesefewwordsaslongasIstandthere,andtrampuponmyhat.
