Мидлмарч

Chapter 48

           Atfirstithadseemedthathewishedtokeepevenheralooffromanycloseknowledgeofwhathewasdoing;butgraduallytheterriblestringencyofhumanneedtheprospectofatoospeedydeath

           AndhereDorothea’spityturnedfromherownfuturetoherhusband’spastnay,tohispresenthardstrugglewithalotwhichhadgrownoutofthatpast:thelonelylabor,theambitionbreathinghardlyunderthepressureofself-distrust;thegoalreceding,andtheheavierlimbs;andnowatlasttheswordvisiblytremblingabovehim!Andhadshenotwishedtomarryhimthatshemighthelphiminhislife’slabor?Butshehadthoughttheworkwastobesomethinggreater,whichshecouldserveindevoutlyforitsownsake.Wasitright,eventosoothehisgriefwoulditbepossible,evenifshepromisedtoworkasinatreadmillfruitlessly?

           Andyet,couldshedenyhim?Couldshesay,"Irefusetocontentthispininghunger?"Itwouldberefusingtodoforhimdead,whatshewasalmostsuretodoforhimliving.IfhelivedasLydgatehadsaidhemight,forfifteenyearsormore,herlifewouldcertainlybespentinhelpinghimandobeyinghim.

           Still,therewasadeepdifferencebetweenthatdevotiontothelivingandthatindefinitepromiseofdevotiontothedead.Whilehelived,hecouldclaimnothingthatshewouldnotstillbefreetoremonstrateagainst,andeventorefuse.

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