Мидлмарч

Chapter 21

           Infact,hehaditinhisthoughttotellherthatsheoughtnottohavereceivedyoungLadislawinhisabsence:butheabstained,partlyfromthesensethatitwouldbeungracioustobringanewcomplaintinthemomentofherpenitentacknowledgment,partlybecausehewantedtoavoidfurtheragitationofhimselfbyspeech,andpartlybecausehewastooproudtobetraythatjealousyofdispositionwhichwasnotsoexhaustedonhisscholarlycompeersthattherewasnonetospareinotherdirections.Thereisasortofjealousywhichneedsverylittlefire:itishardlyapassion,butablightbredinthecloudy,dampdespondencyofuneasyegoism.

           "Ithinkitistimeforustodress,"headded,lookingathiswatch.Theybothrose,andtherewasneveranyfurtherallusionbetweenthemtowhathadpassedonthisday.

           ButDorothearememberedittothelastwiththevividnesswithwhichweallrememberepochsinourexperiencewhensomedearexpectationdies,orsomenewmotiveisborn.TodayshehadbeguntoseethatshehadbeenunderawildillusioninexpectingaresponsetoherfeelingfromMr.Casaubon,andshehadfeltthewakingofapresentimentthattheremightbeasadconsciousnessinhislifewhichmadeasgreataneedonhissideasonherown.

           Weareallofusborninmoralstupidity,takingtheworldasanuddertofeedoursupremeselves:Dorotheahadearlybeguntoemergefromthatstupidity,butyetithadbeeneasiertohertoimaginehowshewoulddevoteherselftoMr

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