Мидлмарч

Chapter 10

           Casaubonhadimaginedthathislongstudiousbachelorhoodhadstoredupforhimacompoundinterestofenjoyment,andthatlargedraftsonhisaffectionswouldnotfailtobehonored;forweallofus,graveorlight,getourthoughtsentangledinmetaphors,andactfatallyonthestrengthofthem.Andnowhewasindangerofbeingsaddenedbytheveryconvictionthathiscircumstanceswereunusuallyhappy:therewasnothingexternalbywhichhecouldaccountforacertainblanknessofsensibilitywhichcameoverhimjustwhenhisexpectantgladnessshouldhavebeenmostlively,justwhenheexchangedtheaccustomeddulnessofhisLowicklibraryforhisvisitstotheGrange.Herewasawearyexperienceinwhichhewasasutterlycondemnedtolonelinessasinthedespairwhichsometimesthreatenedhimwhiletoilinginthemorassofauthorshipwithoutseemingnearertothegoal.Andhiswasthatworstlonelinesswhichwouldshrinkfromsympathy.HecouldnotbutwishthatDorotheashouldthinkhimnotlesshappythantheworldwouldexpecthersuccessfulsuitortobe;andinrelationtohisauthorshipheleanedonheryoungtrustandveneration,helikedtodrawforthherfreshinterestinlistening,asameansofencouragementtohimself:intalkingtoherhepresentedallhisperformanceandintentionwiththereflectedconfidenceofthepedagogue,andridhimselfforthetimeofthatchillingidealaudiencewhichcrowdedhislaboriousuncreativehourswiththevaporouspressureofTartareanshades.

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