Мидлмарч

Chapter 66

           Underthefirstgallingpressureofforeseendifficulties,andthefirstperceptionthathismarriage,ifitwerenottobeayokedloneliness,mustbeastateofefforttogoonlovingwithouttoomuchcareaboutbeingloved,hehadonceortwicetriedadoseofopium.Buthehadnohereditaryconstitutionalcravingaftersuchtransientescapesfromthehauntingsofmisery.Hewasstrong,coulddrinkagreatdealofwine,butdidnotcareaboutit;andwhenthemenroundhimweredrinkingspirits,hetooksugarandwater,havingacontemptuouspityevenfortheearlieststagesofexcitementfromdrink.Itwasthesamewithgambling.HehadlookedonatagreatdealofgamblinginParis,watchingitasifithadbeenadisease.Hewasnomoretemptedbysuchwinningthanhewasbydrink.Hehadsaidtohimselfthattheonlywinninghecaredformustbeattainedbyaconsciousprocessofhigh,difficultcombinationtendingtowardsabeneficentresult.Thepowerhelongedforcouldnotberepresentedbyagitatedfingersclutchingaheapofcoin,orbythehalf-barbarous,half-idiotictriumphintheeyesofamanwhosweepswithinhisarmstheventuresoftwentychapfallencompanions.

           Butjustashehadtriedopium,sohisthoughtnowbegantoturnupongamblingnotwithappetiteforitsexcitement,butwithasortofwistfulinwardgazeafterthateasywayofgettingmoney,whichimpliednoaskingandbroughtnoresponsibility.

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