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Honourably accounts for Mr. Weller’s Absence, by describing a Soiree to which he was invited and wen

           Hecouldhavewishedtohavesparedthatcompanythepainfulanddisgustingdetailonwhichhewasabouttoenter,butastheexplanationhadbeendemandedofhim,hehadnoalternativebuttostate,boldlyanddistinctly,thathehadbeenrequiredtoeatcoldmeat.

           Itisimpossibletoconceivethedisgustwhichthisavowalawakenedinthebosomsofthehearers.Loudcriesof‘Shame,’mingledwithgroansandhisses,prevailedforaquarterofanhour.

           Mr.Whiffersthenaddedthathefearedaportionofthisoutragemightbetracedtohisownforbearingandaccommodatingdisposition.Hehadadistinctrecollectionofhavingonceconsentedtoeatsaltbutter,andhehad,moreover,onanoccasionofsuddensicknessinthehouse,sofarforgottenhimselfastocarryacoal-scuttleuptothesecondfloor.Hetrustedhehadnotloweredhimselfinthegoodopinionofhisfriendsbythisfrankconfessionofhisfaults;andhehopedthepromptnesswithwhichhehadresentedthelastunmanlyoutrageonhisfeelings,towhichhehadreferred,wouldreinstatehimintheirgoodopinion,ifhehad.

           Mr.Whiffers’saddresswasrespondedto,withashoutofadmiration,andthehealthoftheinterestingmartyrwasdrunkinamostenthusiasticmanner;forthis,themartyrreturnedthanks,andproposedtheirvisitor,Mr.Welleragentlemanwhomhehadnotthepleasureofanintimateacquaintancewith,butwhowasthefriendofMr.

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