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James Crawley’s Pipe Is Put Out

           

           JamesCrawley,whenhisaunthadlastbeheldhim,wasagawkylad,atthatuncomfortableagewhenthevoicevariesbetweenanunearthlytrebleandapreternaturalbass;whenthefacenotuncommonlybloomsoutwithappearancesforwhichRowland’sKalydorissaidtoactasacure;whenboysareseentoshavefurtivelywiththeirsister’sscissors,andthesightofotheryoungwomenproducesintolerablesensationsofterrorinthem;whenthegreathandsandanklesprotrudealongwayfromgarmentswhichhavegrowntootightforthem;whentheirpresenceafterdinnerisatoncefrightfultotheladies,whoarewhisperinginthetwilightinthedrawing-room,andinexpressiblyodioustothegentlemenoverthemahogany,whoarerestrainedfromfreedomofintercourseanddelightfulinterchangeofwitbythepresenceofthatgawkyinnocence;when,attheconclusionofthesecondglass,papasays,"Jack,myboy,gooutandseeiftheeveningholdsup,"andtheyouth,willingtobefree,yethurtatnotbeingyetaman,quitstheincompletebanquet.James,thenahobbadehoy,wasnowbecomeayoungman,havinghadthebenefitsofauniversityeducation,andacquiredtheinestimablepolishwhichisgainedbylivinginafastsetatasmallcollege,andcontractingdebts,andbeingrusticated,andbeingplucked.

           Hewasahandsomelad,however,whenhecametopresenthimselftohisauntatBrighton,andgoodlookswerealwaysatitletothefickleoldlady’sfavour.

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