Chapter II

           IhavesaidthatinmydreamsIneversawahumanbeing.OfthisfactIbecameawareveryearly,andfeltpoignantlythelackofmyownkind.Asaverylittlechild,even,Ihadafeeling,inthemidstofthehorrorofmydreaming,thatifIcouldfindbutoneman,onlyonehuman,Ishouldbesavedfrommydreaming,thatIshouldbesurroundednomorebyhauntingterrors.Thisthoughtobsessedmeeverynightofmylifeforyears—ifonlyIcouldfindthatonehumanandbesaved!

           ImustiteratethatIhadthisthoughtinthemidstofmydreaming,andItakeitasanevidenceofthemergingofmytwopersonalities,asevidenceofapointofcontactbetweenthetwodisassociatedpartsofme.Mydreampersonalitylivedinthelongago,beforeeverman,asweknowhim,cametobe;andmyotherandwake-a-daypersonalityprojecteditself,totheextentoftheknowledgeofman’sexistence,intothesubstanceofmydreams.

           Perhapsthepsychologistsofthebookwillfindfaultwithmywayofusingthephrase,“disassociationofpersonality.”Iknowtheiruseofit,yetamcompelledtouseitinmyownwayindefaultofabetterphrase.ItakeshelterbehindtheinadequacyoftheEnglishlanguage.Andnowtotheexplanationofmyuse,ormisuse,ofthephrase.

           ItwasnottillIwasayoungman,atcollege,thatIgotanyclewtothesignificanceofmydreams,andtothecauseofthem.Uptothattimetheyhadbeenmeaninglessandwithoutapparentcausation.ButatcollegeIdiscoveredevolutionandpsychology,andlearnedtheexplanationofvariousstrangementalstatesandexperiences.