Chapter 19

           NexttoOppenheimerandMorrell,whorottedwithmethroughtheyearsofdarkness,IwasconsideredthemostdangerousprisonerinSanQuentin.OntheotherhandIwasconsideredthetoughest—toughereventhanOppenheimerandMorrell.OfcoursebytoughnessImeanenduringness.Terribleasweretheattemptstobreaktheminbodyandinspirit,moreterribleweretheattemptstobreakme.AndIendured.DynamiteorcurtainshadbeenWardenAtherton’sultimatum.Andintheenditwasneither.Icouldnotproducethedynamite,andWardenAthertoncouldnotinducethecurtains.

           Itwasnotbecausemybodywasenduring,butbecausemyspiritwasenduring.Anditwasbecause,inearlierexistences,myspirithadbeenwroughttosteel-hardnessbysteel-hardexperiences.Therewasoneexperiencethatforlongwasasortofnightmaretome.Ithadneitherbeginningnorend.AlwaysIfoundmyselfonarocky,surge-batteredisletsolowthatinstormsthesaltspraysweptoveritshighestpoint.Itrainedmuch.Ilivedinalairandsufferedgreatly,forIwaswithoutfireandlivedonuncookedmeat.

           AlwaysIsuffered.ItwasthemiddleofsomeexperiencetowhichIcouldgetnoclue.Andsince,whenIwentintothelittledeathIhadnopowerofdirectingmyjourneys,Ioftenfoundmyselfrelivingthisparticularlydetestableexperience.Myonlyhappymomentswerewhenthesunshone,atwhichtimesIbaskedontherocksandthawedoutthealmostperpetualchillIsuffered.