Chapter 3

           "Ilookedathim,lostinastonishment.Therehewasbeforeme,inmotley,asthoughhehadabscondedfromatroupeofmimes,enthusiastic,fabulous.Hisveryexistencewasimprobable,inexplicable,andaltogetherbewildering.Hewasaninsolubleproblem.Itwasinconceivablehowhehadexisted,howhehadsucceededingettingsofar,howhehadmanagedtoremain—whyhedidnotinstantlydisappear.‘Iwentalittlefarther,’hesaid,‘thenstillalittlefarther—tillIhadgonesofarthatIdon’tknowhowI’llevergetback.Nevermind.Plentytime.Icanmanage.YoutakeKurtzawayquick—quick—Itellyou.’Theglamourofyouthenvelopedhisparti-colouredrags,hisdestitution,hisloneliness,theessentialdesolationofhisfutilewanderings.Formonths—foryears—hislifehadn’tbeenworthaday’spurchase;andtherehewasgallantly,thoughtlesslyalive,toallappearancesindestructiblesolelybythevirtueofhisfewyearsandofhisunreflectingaudacity.Iwasseducedintosomethinglikeadmiration—likeenvy.Glamoururgedhimon,glamourkepthimunscathed.Hesurelywantednothingfromthewildernessbutspacetobreatheinandtopushonthrough.Hisneedwastoexist,andtomoveonwardsatthegreatestpossiblerisk,andwithamaximumofprivation.Iftheabsolutelypure,uncalculating,unpracticalspiritofadventurehadeverruledahumanbeing,itruledthisbepatchedyouth.Ialmostenviedhimthepossessionofthismodestandclearflame.