Chapter 3

           "Ilookedathim,lostinastonishment.Therehewasbeforeme,inmotley,asthoughhehadabscondedfromatroupeofmimes,enthusiastic,fabulous.Hisveryexistencewasimprobable,inexplicable,andaltogetherbewildering.Hewasaninsolubleproblem.Itwasinconceivablehowhehadexisted,howhehadsucceededingettingsofar,howhehadmanagedtoremainwhyhedidnotinstantlydisappear.‘Iwentalittlefarther,’hesaid,‘thenstillalittlefarthertillIhadgonesofarthatIdon’tknowhowI’llevergetback.Nevermind.Plentytime.Icanmanage.YoutakeKurtzawayquickquickItellyou.Theglamourofyouthenvelopedhisparti-colouredrags,hisdestitution,hisloneliness,theessentialdesolationofhisfutilewanderings.Formonthsforyearshislifehadn’tbeenworthaday’spurchase;andtherehewasgallantly,thoughtlesslyalive,toallappearancesindestructiblesolelybythevirtueofhisfewyearsandofhisunreflectingaudacity.Iwasseducedintosomethinglikeadmirationlikeenvy.Glamoururgedhimon,glamourkepthimunscathed.Hesurelywantednothingfromthewildernessbutspacetobreatheinandtopushonthrough.Hisneedwastoexist,andtomoveonwardsatthegreatestpossiblerisk,andwithamaximumofprivation.Iftheabsolutelypure,uncalculating,unpracticalspiritofadventurehadeverruledahumanbeing,itruledthisbepatchedyouth.Ialmostenviedhimthepossessionofthismodestandclearflame.

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