Кармілла
Descending
ForsomenightsIsleptprofoundly;butstilleverymorningIfeltthesamelassitude,andalanguorweigheduponmeallday.Ifeltmyselfachangedgirl.Astrangemelancholywasstealingoverme,amelancholythatIwouldnothaveinterrupted.Dimthoughtsofdeathbegantoopen,andanideathatIwasslowlysinkingtookgentle,and,somehow,notunwelcome,possessionofme.Ifitwassad,thetoneofmindwhichthisinducedwasalsosweet.
Whateveritmightbe,mysoulacquiescedinit.
IwouldnotadmitthatIwasill,Iwouldnotconsenttotellmypapa,ortohavethedoctorsentfor.
Carmillabecamemoredevotedtomethanever,andherstrangeparoxysmsoflanguidadorationmorefrequent.Sheusedtogloatonmewithincreasingardorthemoremystrengthandspiritswaned.Thisalwaysshockedmelikeamomentaryglareofinsanity.
Withoutknowingit,Iwasnowinaprettyadvancedstageofthestrangestillnessunderwhichmortaleversuffered.Therewasanunaccountablefascinationinitsearliersymptomsthatmorethanreconciledmetotheincapacitatingeffectofthatstageofthemalady.Thisfascinationincreasedforatime,untilitreachedacertainpoint,whengraduallyasenseofthehorriblemingleditselfwithit,deepening,asyoushallhear,untilitdiscoloredandpervertedthewholestateofmylife.
ThefirstchangeIexperiencedwasratheragreeable.ItwasveryneartheturningpointfromwhichbeganthedescentofAvernus.
Certainvagueandstrangesensationsvisitedmeinmysleep.
