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Experiments in Convalescence

           "Isthatdoubleentente?"

           "Don’tslowmeup!Nowthere’safewof’emthatseemtohavesomeculturalbackground,someintelligenceandagooddealofliteraryfelicitybuttheyjustsimplywon’twritehonestly;they’dallclaimtherewasnopublicforgoodstuff.ThenwhythedevilisitthatWells,Conrad,Galsworthy,Shaw,Bennett,andtherestdependonAmericaforoverhalftheirsales?"

           "HowdoeslittleTommylikethepoets?"

           Tomwasovercome.Hedroppedhisarmsuntiltheyswunglooselybesidethechairandemittedfaintgrunts.

           "I’mwritingasatireon’emnow,callingit’BostonBardsandHearstReviewers.’"

           "Let’shearit,"saidAmoryeagerly.

           "I’veonlygotthelastfewlinesdone."

           "That’sverymodern.Let’shear’em,ifthey’refunny."

           Tomproducedafoldedpaperfromhispocketandreadaloud,pausingatintervalssothatAmorycouldseethatitwasfreeverse:

           "So

           WalterArensberg,

           AlfredKreymborg,

           CarlSandburg,

           LouisUntermeyer,

           EuniceTietjens,

           ClaraShanafelt,

           JamesOppenheim,

           MaxwellBodenheim,

           RichardGlaenzer,

           ScharmelIris,

           ConradAiken,

           Iplaceyournameshere

           Sothatyoumaylive

           Ifonlyasnames,

           Sinuous,mauve-colorednames,

           IntheJuvenalia

           Ofmycollectededitions."

           Amoryroared.

           "Youwintheironpansy.I’llbuyyouamealonthearroganceofthelasttwolines."

           AmorydidnotentirelyagreewithTom’ssweepingdamnationofAmericannovelistsandpoets.

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