Эмма

Chapter 11

           Howtounderstanditall!Howtounderstandthedeceptionsshehadbeenthuspractisingonherself,andlivingunder!Theblunders,theblindnessofherownheadandheart!shesatstill,shewalkedabout,shetriedherownroom,shetriedtheshrubberyineveryplace,everyposture,sheperceivedthatshehadactedmostweakly;thatshehadbeenimposedonbyothersinamostmortifyingdegree;thatshehadbeenimposingonherselfinadegreeyetmoremortifying;thatshewaswretched,andshouldprobablyfindthisdaybutthebeginningofwretchedness.

           Tounderstand,thoroughlyunderstandherownheart,wasthefirstendeavour.Tothatpointwenteveryleisuremomentwhichherfather’sclaimsonherallowed,andeverymomentofinvoluntaryabsenceofmind.

           HowlonghadMr.Knightleybeensodeartoher,aseveryfeelingdeclaredhimnowtobe?Whenhadhisinfluence,suchinfluencebegun?Whenhadhesucceededtothatplaceinheraffection,whichFrankChurchillhadonce,forashortperiod,occupied?Shelookedback;shecomparedthetwocomparedthem,astheyhadalwaysstoodinherestimation,fromthetimeofthelatter’sbecomingknowntoherandastheymustatanytimehavebeencomparedbyher,haditoh!hadit,byanyblessedfelicity,occurredtoher,toinstitutethecomparison.ShesawthatthereneverhadbeenatimewhenshedidnotconsiderMr.Knightleyasinfinitelythesuperior,orwhenhisregardforherhadnotbeeninfinitelythemostdear.

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