Улисс

           NotbyalongshotifIknowit.Idon’tseeit,that’sall.Noborngentleman,no-onewiththemostrudimentarypromptingsofagentlemanwouldstooptosuchparticularlyloathsomeconduct.Oneofthose,mylord.Aplagiarist.Asoapysneakmasqueradingasaliterateur.It’sperfectlyobviousthatwiththemostinherentbasenesshehascribbedsomeofmybestsellingcopy,reallygorgeousstuff,aperfectgem,thelovepassagesinwhicharebeneathsuspicion.TheBeaufoybooksofloveandgreatpossessions,withwhichyourlordshipisdoubtlessfamiliar,areahouseholdwordthroughoutthekingdom.

           BLOOM:(Murmurswithhangdogmeeknessglum.)ThatbitaboutthelaughingwitchhandinhandItakeexceptionto,ifImay...

           BEAUFOY:(Hislipupcurled,smilessuperciliouslyonthecourt.)Youfunnyass,you!You’retoobeastlyawfullyweirdforwords!Idon’tthinkyouneedoverexcessivelydisincommodateyourselfinthatregard.MyliteraryagentMrJ.B.Pinkerisinattendance.Ipresume,mylord,weshallreceivetheusualwitnesses’fees,shan’twe?Weareconsiderablyoutofpocketoverthisballypressmanjohnny,thisjackdawofRheims,whohasnotevenbeentoauniversity.

           BLOOM:(Indistinctly.)Universityoflife.Badart.

           BEAUFOY:(Shouts.)It’sadamnablyfoullie,showingthemoralrottennessoftheman!(Heextendshisportfolio.)Wehaveheredamningevidence,thecorpusdelicti,mylord,aspecimenofmymaturerworkdisfiguredbythehallmarkofthebeast.

           AVOICEFROMTHEGALLERY:

           Moses,Moses,kingofthejews,

           WipedhisarseintheDailyNews.

           BLOOM:(Bravely.)Overdrawn.