Возвращение на родину

VI. A Conjuncture, and Its Result upon the Pedestrian

           ButdoIdesireunreasonablymuchinwantingwhatiscalledlife—music,poetry,passion,war,andallthebeatingandpulsingthataregoingoninthegreatarteriesoftheworld?Thatwastheshapeofmyyouthfuldream;butIdidnotgetit.YetIthoughtIsawthewaytoitinmyClym.”

           “Andyouonlymarriedhimonthataccount?”

           “Thereyoumistakeme.ImarriedhimbecauseIlovedhim,butIwon’tsaythatIdidn’tlovehimpartlybecauseIthoughtIsawapromiseofthatlifeinhim.”

           “Youhavedroppedintoyouroldmournfulkey.”

           “ButIamnotgoingtobedepressed,”shecriedperversely.“Ibegananewsystembygoingtothatdance,andImeantosticktoit.Clymcansingmerrily;whyshouldnotI?”

           Wildevelookedthoughtfullyather.“Itiseasiertosayyouwillsingthantodoit;thoughifIcouldIwouldencourageyouinyourattempt.Butaslifemeansnothingtome,withoutonethingwhichisnowimpossible,youwillforgivemefornotbeingabletoencourageyou.”

           “Damon,whatisthematterwithyou,thatyouspeaklikethat?”sheasked,raisingherdeepshadyeyestohis.

           “That’sathingIshallnevertellplainly;andperhapsifItrytotellyouinriddlesyouwillnotcaretoguessthem.”

           Eustaciaremainedsilentforaminute,andshesaid,“Weareinastrangerelationshiptoday.Youmincematterstoanuncommonnicety.Youmean,Damon,thatyoustillloveme.Well,thatgivesmesorrow,forIamnotmadesoentirelyhappybymymarriagethatIamwillingtospurnyoufortheinformation,asIoughttodo.Butwehavesaidtoomuchaboutthis.

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