Голод
Part I
Whyhadthelastmonthspressedsostrangelyhardonme?Ifailedtorecognizemyownhappytemperament,andImetwiththemostsingularannoyancesfromallquarters.Icouldnotsitdownonabenchbymyselforsetmyfootanyplacewithoutbeingassailedbyinsignificantaccidents,miserabledetails,thatforcedtheirwayintomyimaginationandscatteredmypowerstoallthefourwinds.Adogthatdashedbyme,ayellowroseinaman’sbuttonhole,hadthepowertosetmythoughtsvibratingandoccupymeforalengthoftime.
Whatwasitthatailedme?WasthehandoftheLordturnedagainstme?Butwhyjustagainstme?Why,forthatmatter,notjustaswellagainstamaninSouthAmerica?WhenIconsideredthematterover,itgrewmoreandmoreincomprehensibletomethatIofallothersshouldbeselectedasanexperimentforaCreator’swhims.Itwas,tosaytheleastofit,apeculiarmodeofproceduretopassoverawholeworldofotherhumansinordertoreachme.WhynotselectjustaswellBooksellerPascha,orHennechenthesteamagent?
AsIwentmywayIsiftedthisthing,andcouldnotgetquitofit.IfoundthemostweightyargumentsagainsttheCreator’sarbitrarinessinlettingmepayforalltheothers’sins.EvenafterIhadfoundaseatandsatdown,thequerypersistedinoccupyingme,andpreventedmefromthinkingofaughtelse.
