Голод

Part III

           Thesoundless,stealthytreadinthetotaldarknessofnight;thehiddenmonstersofthewoods;theshrieksofabirdflyingpast;thewind,thesmellofblood,therumblinginspace;inshort,thereigningspiritofthekingdomofsavagecreatureshoveringoversavagery...theunconsciouspoetry!...ButIwasafraidthisboredher.Theconsciousnessofmygreatpovertyseizedmeanew,andcrushedme.IfIhadonlybeeninanywaywell-enoughdressedtohavegivenherthepleasureofthislittletourintheTivoli!Icouldnotmakeoutthiscreature,whocouldfindpleasureinlettingherselfbeaccompaniedupthewholeofCarlJohannStreetbyahalf-nakedbeggar.What,inthenameofGod,wasshethinkingof?AndwhywasIwalkingthere,givingmyselfairs,andsmilingidioticallyatnothing?HadIanyreasonablecause,either,forlettingmyselfbeworriedintoalongwalkbythisdainty,silken-cladbird?Mayhapitdidnotcostmeaneffort?DidInotfeeltheiceofdeathgorightintomyheartateventhegentlestpuffofwindthatblewagainstus?Wasnotmadnessrunningriotinmybrain,justforlackoffoodformanymonthsatastretch?Yetshehinderedmefromgoinghometogetevenalittlemilkintomyparchedmouth;aspoonfulofsweetmilk,thatImightperhapsbeabletokeepdown.Whydidn’tsheturnherbackonme,andletmegotothedeuce?...

           Ibecamedistracted;mydespairreducedmetothelastextremity.Isaid:

           "Consideringallthings,yououghtnottowalkwithme.

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