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Chapter 38

           Sometimeshiseverylookseemedfraughtwithmeaning—hiseverygesturesuggestiveofanalmostterrificauthority.Hewasalwaystomethemostattractiveofbeings—neverthelesstherewasanuneasysensationofdoubtandfeargrowingupinmymindregardinghim—apainfulanxietytoknowmoreabouthimthanhehadevertoldme—andonrareoccasionsIexperiencedasuddenshockofinexplicablerepulsionagainsthimwhichlikeatremendouswavethrewmebackwithviolenceuponmyselfandleftmehalf-stunnedwithadreadofIknewnotwhat.Alonewithhim,asitwere,onthewidesea,cutoffforatimefromallotherintercoursethanthatwhichwesharedtogether,thesesensationswereverystronguponme.IbegantonotemanythingswhichIhadbeentooblindortooabsorbedinmyownpursuitstoobservebefore;theoffensivepresenceofAmiel,whoactedaschiefstewardonboardtheyacht,filledmenownotonlywithdislike,butnervousapprehension—thedarkandmoreorlessrepulsivevisagesofthecrewhauntedmeinmydreams;—andoneday,leaningoverthevessel’sedgeandgazingblanklydownintothefathomlesswaterbelow,IfelltothinkingofstrangesorceriesoftheEast,andstoriesofmagicianswhobytheexerciseofunlawfulsciencedidsomakevictimsofmenanddeludethemthattheirwillswereentirelypervertedandnolongertheirown.

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