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Chapter 36

           itwillbringdownuponmeaneternaldarkness,andcloseupforeverthemarvellousscenesoftheuniverse!Solittle!todosomuch!IhavefastenedLucio’swedding-giftroundmywaistthebeautifulsnakeofjewelsthatclingstomeasthoughitwerechargedwithanembracefromhimah!wouldIcouldcheatmyselfintosopleasingafancy!...Iamtrembling,butnotwithcoldorfearitissimplyanexcitationofthenerves——aninstinctiverecoiloffleshandbloodatthenearprospectofdeath....Howbrilliantlythesunshinesthroughmywindow!itscallousgoldenstarehaswatchedsomanytorturedcreaturesdiewithoutsomuchasacloudtodimitsradiancebywayofthesuggestionofpity!IftherewereaGodIfancyHewouldbelikethesunglorious,changeless,unapproachable,beautiful,butpitiless!

           ·····OutofallthevarioustypesofhumanbeingsIthinkIhatetheclasscalledpoetsmost.Iusedtolovethemandbelieveinthem;butIknowthemnowtobemereweaversofliesbuildersofcloudcastlesinwhichnothrobbinglifecanbreathe,nowearyheartfindrest.Loveistheirchiefmotivetheyeitheridealizeordegradeitandofthelovewewomenlongformost,theyhavenoconception.Theycanonlysingofbrutepassionorethicalimpossibilitiesofthemutualgreatsympathy,theungrudgingpatienttendernessthatshouldmakelovelovely,theyhavenosweetthingstosay.

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