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Chapter 5

           Butoneonlywokepeopleifoneknewwhatonewantedtosaytothem.Andshewantedtosaynotonething,buteverything.Littlewordsthatbrokeupthethoughtanddismembereditsaidnothing."Aboutlife,aboutdeath;aboutMrs.Ramsay"no,shethought,onecouldsaynothingtonobody.Theurgencyofthemomentalwaysmisseditsmark.Wordsflutteredsidewaysandstrucktheobjectinchestoolow.Thenonegaveitup;thentheideasunkbackagain;thenonebecamelikemostmiddle-agedpeople,cautious,furtive,withwrinklesbetweentheeyesandalookofperpetualapprehension.Forhowcouldoneexpressinwordstheseemotionsofthebody?expressthatemptinessthere?(Shewaslookingatthedrawing-roomsteps;theylookedextraordinarilyempty.)Itwasone’sbodyfeeling,notone’smind.Thephysicalsensationsthatwentwiththebarelookofthestepshadbecomesuddenlyextremelyunpleasant.Towantandnottohave,sentallupherbodyahardness,ahollowness,astrain.Andthentowantandnottohavetowantandwanthowthatwrungtheheart,andwrungitagainandagain!Oh,Mrs.Ramsay!shecalledoutsilently,tothatessencewhichsatbytheboat,thatabstractonemadeofher,thatwomaningrey,asiftoabuseherforhavinggone,andthenhavinggone,comebackagain.Ithadseemedsosafe,thinkingofher.Ghost,air,nothingness,athingyoucouldplaywitheasilyandsafelyatanytimeofdayornight,shehadbeenthat,andthensuddenlysheputherhandoutandwrungtheheartthus.

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