Паразит
III
Icannotleavetheuniversityinthemiddleoftheterm.IfIwerefree,mycoursewouldbeobvious.IshouldstartatonceandtravelinPersia.Butwouldsheallowmetostart?AndcouldherinfluencenotreachmeinPersia,andbringmebacktowithintouchofhercrutch?Icanonlyfindoutthelimitsofthishellishpowerbymyownbitterexperience.Iwillfightandfightandfight—andwhatcanIdomore?Iknowverywellthatabouteighto’clockto-nightthatcravingforhersociety,thatirresistiblerestlessness,willcomeuponme.HowshallIovercomeit?WhatshallIdo?Imustmakeitimpossibleformetoleavetheroom.Ishalllockthedoorandthrowthekeyoutofthewindow.But,then,whatamItodointhemorning?Nevermindaboutthemorning.Imustatallcostsbreakthischainwhichholdsme.April9.Victory!Ihavedonesplendidly!Atseveno’clocklastnightItookahastydinner,andthenlockedmyselfupinmybedroomanddroppedthekeyintothegarden.Ichoseacheerynovel,andlayinbedforthreehourstryingtoreadit,butreallyinahorriblestateoftrepidation,expectingeveryinstantthatIshouldbecomeconsciousoftheimpulse.Nothingofthesortoccurred,however,andIawokethismorningwiththefeelingthatablacknightmarehadbeenliftedoffme.PerhapsthecreaturerealizedwhatIhaddone,andunderstoodthatitwasuselesstotrytoinfluenceme.Atanyrate,Ihavebeatenheronce,andifIcandoitonce,Icandoitagain.Itwasmostawkwardaboutthekeyinthemorning.Luckily,therewasanunder-gardenerbelow,andIaskedhimtothrowitup.