Морской волк

Chapter 9

           AtothertimesIseriouslycontemplatedsuicide,andthewholeforceofmyhopefulphilosophywasrequiredtokeepmefromgoingoverthesideinthedarknessofnight.

           SeveraltimesWolfLarsentriedtoinveiglemeintodiscussion,butIgavehimshortanswersandeludedhim.Finally,hecommandedmetoresumemyseatatthecabintableforatimeandletthecookdomywork.ThenIspokefrankly,tellinghimwhatIwasenduringfromThomasMugridgebecauseofthethreedaysoffavouritismwhichhadbeenshownme.WolfLarsenregardedmewithsmilingeyes.

           "Soyou’reafraid,eh?"hesneered.

           "Yes,"Isaiddefiantlyandhonestly,"Iamafraid."

           "That’sthewaywithyoufellows,"hecried,halfangrily,"sentimentalizingaboutyourimmortalsoulsandafraidtodie.AtsightofasharpknifeandacowardlyCockneytheclingingoflifetolifeovercomesallyourfondfoolishness.Why,mydearfellow,youwillliveforever.Youareagod,andGodcannotbekilled.Cookycannothurtyou.Youaresureofyourresurrection.What’stheretobeafraidof?

           "Youhaveeternallifebeforeyou.Youareamillionaireinimmortality,andamillionairewhosefortunecannotbelost,whosefortuneislessperishablethanthestarsandaslastingasspaceortime.Itisimpossibleforyoutodiminishyourprincipal.Immortalityisathingwithoutbeginningorend.Eternityiseternity,andthoughyoudiehereandnowyouwillgoonlivingsomewhereelseandhereafter.Anditisallverybeautiful,thisshakingoffofthefleshandsoaringoftheimprisonedspirit.

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