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The Egotist Becomes a Personage
ItwasAmory’sdearoldfriend,hisandtheothers’—forthechurchwasfullofpeoplewithdaft,staringfaces,themostexaltedseemingthemoststricken.
Thecardinal,likeanarchangelincopeandmitre,sprinkledtheholywater;theorganbrokeintosound;thechoirbegantosingtheRequiemEternam.
AllthesepeoplegrievedbecausetheyhadtosomeextentdependeduponMonsignor.Theirgriefwasmorethansentimentforthe"crackinhisvoiceoracertainbreakinhiswalk,"asWellsputit.ThesepeoplehadleanedonMonsignor’sfaith,hiswayoffindingcheer,ofmakingreligionathingoflightsandshadows,makingalllightandshadowmerelyaspectsofGod.Peoplefeltsafewhenhewasnear.
OfAmory’sattemptedsacrificehadbeenbornmerelythefullrealizationofhisdisillusion,butofMonsignor’sfuneralwasborntheromanticelfwhowastoenterthelabyrinthwithhim.Hefoundsomethingthathewanted,hadalwayswantedandalwayswouldwant—nottobeadmired,ashehadfeared;nottobeloved,ashehadmadehimselfbelieve;buttobenecessarytopeople,tobeindispensable;herememberedthesenseofsecurityhehadfoundinBurne.
LifeopenedupinoneofitsamazingburstsofradianceandAmorysuddenlyandpermanentlyrejectedanoldepigramthathadbeenplayinglistlesslyinhismind:"Veryfewthingsmatterandnothingmattersverymuch."
Onthecontrary,Amoryfeltanimmensedesiretogivepeopleasenseofsecurity.
