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The Egotist Becomes a Personage
Hewasashamedofthefactthatverysimpleandhonestpeopleusuallydistrustedhim;thathehadbeencruel,often,tothosewhohadsunktheirpersonalitiesinhim—severalgirls,andamanhereandtherethroughcollege,thathehadbeenanevilinfluenceon;peoplewhohadfollowedhimhereandthereintomentaladventuresfromwhichhealonereboundedunscathed.
Usually,onnightslikethis,fortherehadbeenmanylately,hecouldescapefromthisconsumingintrospectionbythinkingofchildrenandtheinfinitepossibilitiesofchildren—heleanedandlistenedandheheardastartledbabyawakeinahouseacrossthestreetandlendatinywhimpertothestillnight.Quickasaflashheturnedaway,wonderingwithatouchofpanicwhethersomethinginthebroodingdespairofhismoodhadmadeadarknessinitstinysoul.Heshivered.Whatifsomedaythebalancewasoverturned,andhebecameathingthatfrightenedchildrenandcreptintoroomsinthedark,approacheddimcommunionwiththosephantomswhowhisperedshadowysecretstothemadofthatdarkcontinentuponthemoon....
Amorysmiledabit.
"You’retoomuchwrappedupinyourself,"heheardsomeonesay.Andagain—
"Getoutanddosomerealwork—"
"Stopworrying—"
Hefanciedapossiblefuturecommentofhisown.
"Yes—Iwasperhapsanegotistinyouth,butIsoonfounditmadememorbidtothinktoomuchaboutmyself."
Suddenlyhefeltanoverwhelmingdesiretolethimselfgotothedevil—nottogoviolentlyasagentlemanshould,buttosinksafelyandsensuouslyoutofsight.
