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Narcissus Off Duty
"Ithink,"hesaidandhisvoicetrembled,"thatifIlostfaithinyouI’dlosefaithinGod."
Shelookedathimwithsuchastartledfacethatheaskedherthematter.
"Nothing,"shesaidslowly,"onlythis:fivemenhavesaidthattomebefore,anditfrightensme."
"Oh,Clara,isthatyourfate!"
Shedidnotanswer.
"Isupposelovetoyouis—"hebegan.
Sheturnedlikeaflash.
"Ihaveneverbeeninlove."
Theywalkedalong,andherealizedslowlyhowmuchshehadtoldhim...neverinlove....Sheseemedsuddenlyadaughteroflightalone.HisentitydroppedoutofherplaneandhelongedonlytotouchherdresswithalmosttherealizationthatJosephmusthavehadofMary’seternalsignificance.Butquitemechanicallyheheardhimselfsaying:
"AndIloveyou—anylatentgreatnessthatI’vegotis...oh,Ican’ttalk,butClara,ifIcomebackintwoyearsinapositiontomarryyou—"
Sheshookherhead.
"No,"shesaid;"I’dnevermarryagain.I’vegotmytwochildrenandIwantmyselfforthem.Ilikeyou—Ilikeallclevermen,youmorethanany—butyouknowmewellenoughtoknowthatI’dnevermarryacleverman—"Shebrokeoffsuddenly.
"Amory."
"What?"
"You’renotinlovewithme.Youneverwantedtomarryme,didyou?"
"Itwasthetwilight,"hesaidwonderingly."Ididn’tfeelasthoughIwerespeakingaloud.ButIloveyou—oradoreyou—orworshipyou—"
"Thereyougo—runningthroughyourcatalogueofemotionsinfiveseconds."
Hesmiledunwillingly.