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Chapter 12

           

           BLOOM:(Acharmingsoubrettewithdaubycheeks,mustardhairandlargemalehandsandnose,leeringmouth.)Itriedherthingsononlytwice,asmallprank,inHollesstreet.WhenwewerehardupIwashedthemtosavethelaundrybill.MyownshirtsIturned.Itwasthepurestthrift.

           BELLO:(Jeers.)Littlejobsthatmakemotherpleased,eh?Andshowedoffcoquettishlyinyourdominoatthemirrorbehindclosedrawnblindsyourunskirtedthighsandhegoat’suddersinvariousposesofsurrender,eh?Ho!ho!Ihavetolaugh!ThatsecondhandblackoperatopshiftandshorttrunklegnaughtiesallsplitupthestitchesatherlastrapethatMrsMiriamDandradesoldyoufromtheShelbournehotel,eh?

           BLOOM:Miriam.Black.Demimondaine.

           BELLO:(Guffaws.)ChristAlmightyit’stootickling,this!YouwereanicelookingMiriamwhenyouclippedoffyourbackgatehairsandlayswooninginthethingacrossthebedasMrsDandradeabouttobeviolatedbylieutenantSmythe-Smythe,MrPhilipAugustusBlockwellM.P.,signorLaciDaremo,therobusttenor,blueeyedBert,theliftboy,HenriFleuryofGordonBennettfame,Sheridan,thequadroonCroesus,thevarsitywetbobeightfromoldTrinity,Ponto,hersplendidNewfoundlandandBobs,dowagerduchessofManorhamilton.(Heguffawsagain.)Christ,wouldn’titmakeaSiamesecatlaugh?

           BLOOM:(Herhandsandfeaturesworking.)ItwasGeraldconvertedmetobeatruecorsetloverwhenIwasfemaleimpersonatorintheHighSchoolplayViceVersa.ItwasdearGerald.Hegotthatkink,fascinatedbysister’sstays.NowdearestGeraldusespinkygreasepaintandgildshiseyelids.

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