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The Celestial Railroad
ItmayberememberedthattherewasanancientfeudbetweenPrinceBeelzebubandthekeeperofthewicketgate,andthattheadherentsoftheformerdistinguishedpersonagewereaccustomedtoshootdeadlyarrowsathonestpilgrimswhileknockingatthedoor.Thisdispute,muchtothecreditaswelloftheillustriouspotentateabovementionedasoftheworthyandenlighteneddirectorsoftherailroad,hasbeenpacificallyarrangedontheprincipleofmutualcompromise.Theprince’ssubjectsarenowprettynumerouslyemployedaboutthestation-house,someintakingcareofthebaggage,othersincollectingfuel,feedingtheengines,andsuchcongenialoccupations;andIcanconscientiouslyaffirmthatpersonsmoreattentivetotheirbusiness,morewillingtoaccommodate,ormoregenerallyagreeabletothepassengers,arenottobefoundonanyrailroad.Everygoodheartmustsurelyexultatsosatisfactoryanarrangementofanimmemorialdifficulty.
"WhereisMr.Greatheart?"inquiredI."Beyondadoubtthedirectorshaveengagedthatfamousoldchampiontobechiefconductorontherailroad?"
"Why,no,"saidMr.Smooth-it-away,withadrycough."Hewasofferedthesituationofbrakeman;but,totellyouthetruth,ourfriendGreathearthasgrownpreposterouslystiffandnarrowinhisoldage.Hehassooftenguidedpilgrimsovertheroadonfootthatheconsidersitasintotravelinanyotherfashion.
