Риф, або Там, де розбивається щастя

XXXII

           Iseethehorrorofitjustasyoudo.ButIsee,alittlemoreclearly,theextent,andthelimits,ofmywrong.It’snotasblackasyouimagine.”

           Sheloweredhervoicetosay:“IsupposeIshallneverunderstand;butsheseemstoloveyou...”

           “There’smyshame!ThatIdidn’tguessit,didn’tflyfromit.Yousayyou’llneverunderstand:butwhyshouldn’tyou?Isitanythingtobeproudof,toknowsolittleofthestringsthatpullus?Ifyouknewalittlemore,Icouldtellyouhowsuchthingshappenwithoutoffendingyou;andperhapsyou’dlistenwithoutcondemningme.”

           “Idon’tcondemnyou.”Shewasdizzywithstrugglingimpulses.Shelongedtocryout:“Idounderstand!I’veunderstoodeversinceyou’vebeenhere!”Forshewasaware,inherownbosom,ofsensationssoseparatefromherromanticthoughtsofhimthatshesawherbodyandsouldividedagainstthemselves.SherecalledhavingreadsomewherethatinancientRometheslaveswerenotallowedtowearadistinctivedresslesttheyshouldrecognizeeachotherandlearntheirnumbersandtheirpower.So,inherself,shediscernedforthefirsttimeinstinctsanddesires,which,muteandunmarked,hadgonetoandfrointhedimpassagesofhermind,andnowhailedeachotherwithacryofmutiny.

           “Oh,Idon’tknowwhattothink!”shebrokeout.“Yousayyoudidn’tknowshelovedyou.Butyouknowitnow.Doesn’tthatshowyouhowyoucanputthebrokenbitstogether?”

           “CanyouseriouslythinkitwouldbedoingsotomarryonewomanwhileIcareforanother?”

           “Oh,Idon’tknow....Idon’tknow...

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