Риф, або Там, де розбивається щастя

XVII

           Ithadbeenhisfirstbusinesstoconvincethegirlthattheirsecretwassafewithhim;butitwasfarfromeasytosquarethiswiththeequallyurgentobligationofsafe-guardingAnna’sresponsibilitytowardherchild.Darrowwasnotmuchafraidofaccidentaldisclosures.BothheandSophyVinerhadtoomuchatstakenottobeontheirguard.Thefearthatbesethimwasofanotherkind,andhadaprofoundersource.Hewantedtodoallhecouldforthegirl,butthefactofhavinghadtourgeAnnatoconfideEffietoherwaspeculiarlyrepugnanttohim.HisownideasaboutSophyVinerweretoomixedandindeterminateforhimnottofeeltheriskofsuchanexperiment;yethefoundhimselfintheintolerablepositionofappearingtopressitonthewomanhedesiredaboveallotherstoprotect...

           Tilllateinthenighthisthoughtsrevolvedinaturmoilofindecision.HispridewashumbledbythediscrepancybetweenwhatSophyVinerhadbeentohimandwhathehadthoughtofher.Thisdiscrepancy,whichatthetimehadseemedtosimplifytheincident,nowturnedouttobeitsmostgallingcomplication.Thebaretruth,indeed,wasthathehadhardlythoughtofheratall,eitheratthetimeorsince,andthathewasashamedtobasehisjudgementofheronhismeagrememoryoftheiradventure.

           Theessentialcheapnessofthewholeaffair—asfarashisshareinitwasconcerned—camehometohimwithhumiliatingdistinctness.Hewouldhavelikedtobeabletofeelthat,atthetimeatleast,hehadstakedsomethingmoreonit,andhadsomehow,inthesequel,hadamorepalpablelosstoshow.

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