Таємний спільник
II
ButIwasalsomoreseriouslyaffected.Therearetoaseamancertainwords,gestures,thatshouldingivenconditionscomeasnaturally,asinstinctivelyasthewinkingofamenacedeye.Acertainordershouldspringontohislipswithoutthinking;acertainsignshouldgetitselfmade,sotospeak,withoutreflection.Butallunconsciousalertnesshadabandonedme.Ihadtomakeaneffortofwilltorecallmyselfback(fromthecabin)totheconditionsofthemoment.IfeltthatIwasappearinganirresolutecommandertothosepeoplewhowerewatchingmemoreorlesscritically.
And,besides,therewerethescares.Ontheseconddayout,forinstance,comingoffthedeckintheafternoon(Ihadstrawslippersonmybarefeet)Istoppedattheopenpantrydoorandspoketothesteward.Hewasdoingsomethingtherewithhisbacktome.Atthesoundofmyvoicehenearlyjumpedoutofhisskin,asthesayingis,andincidentallybrokeacup.
“Whatonearth’sthematterwithyou?”Iasked,astonished.
Hewasextremelyconfused.“Begyourpardon,sir.Imadesureyouwereinyourcabin.”
“YouseeIwasn’t.”
“No,sir.IcouldhaveswornIhadheardyoumovingintherenotamomentago.It’smostextraordinary...verysorry,sir.”
Ipassedonwithaninwardshudder.IwassoidentifiedwithmysecretdoublethatIdidnotevenmentionthefactinthosescanty,fearfulwhispersweexchanged.Isupposehehadmadesomeslightnoiseofsomekindorother.Itwouldhavebeenmiraculousifhehadn’tatonetimeoranother.
